So today both my kids are home from school. We've had a trying day (as in they are trying to make me have a nervous breakdown and I am trying not to grab the stash of Bailey's left over from Christmas).
We got home a little while ago and I decided Mom needed a Time Out. I locked myself in my office and I am refusing to come out. One brave soul knocked on the door and was treated to the following list of Allowed Reasons for Interrupting Mom's Time Out....I thought I would share, so everyone can have them:
You may interrupt Mom's Time Out, IF:
1. Emminent fire will destroy the house. Well, actually, this doesnt necessitate knocking on my door...push the fire alarm button on the security system and run outside. I should be along shortly....dont forget to take the dog with you.
2. Grizzly Bear Attack. Try plying him with some cookies from the pantry first though, I mean, you are 5 and 7, show some initiative here!
3. Rattlesnake Bite. After you have really worked on sucking out the poisen, and called 911, you may knock. Seriously, I read that in a book, it should work.
4. Unconciousness. If its someone other than me. If its me, just leave me be.
5. Being Abducted by Aliens. Once you have verified that they have no intention of actually returning you...if they are planning on bringing you back, have fun and see you soon. Take some pictures for me.
6. Bones Sticking Out of Skin at Weird Angles. This might require my assistance, better knock. Same with any blood spurting higher than the armoire in the living room. That usually signals an artery has been pierced....grab some towels, too.
7. Flooding. And by flooding I mean natural flooding OR kid-made flooding. I'm not having those floors restored again. And if its kid-made, you should probably hide.
8. Group of People at Front Door with Camera Crew and Oversized Cardboard Check with My Name on It. This is very important and signals that we will be having pizza for dinner tonight, and likely every night for the 3 weeks that I will now be away on a cruise. By myself.
9. Daddy's Home. Thank God, I"m out of here.
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2 comments:
I love it!! My list is short (fire and blood) and she's now old enough to grasp that "blood" better not mean she's picked her cuticle raw again, but I so feel your pain as we enter day 6 of no school.
By the way, I like your list better. But you always were the funny one.
I love this! I just read it to my husband and we are both laughing our butts off! You are hilarious!
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